


Exit Wounds

by thoughtsappear



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Destroy Ending, F/M, Post-Mass Effect 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-02-23 04:19:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2533937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thoughtsappear/pseuds/thoughtsappear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard survived against all odds, but now the exit wounds of the battle would prove to be her biggest challenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Garrus Vakarian was not an optimist. He had spent an entire war preparing for the worst, expecting it, practically asking for it. Yet when it came to Shepard, he allowed himself to hope, to wish, to even fantasize that somehow they would beat the odds. She had changed him in so many ways, all of them for the better.

Garrus had built a life on second chances. He was praying to all available spirits for one right now. 

After the Crucible fired, everything was in chaos. The Normandy made an emergency landing as EDI went offline and stayed there. It took Samantha several days to find a way to reboot the system without the AI. Once they got in the air, they had to limp their way back to Earth, as most of the mass relays were down and they were short on fuel. When they arrived in London, things just continued to get worse.

Shepard had been missing for a few days, and Hackett was personally leading the team tasked with her rescue. When they found her, she was unconscious, but her vitals good enough to be picked up on the scanners. The Alliance took her to a human hospital while she recovered. Her injuries were serious but survivable. She had some burns on her face and neck that were repaired with skin grafts. She had shattered her left leg, and the doctors in London did their best. They had reconstructed it well, but without cybernetics her recovery would take time. Eventually with physically therapy they predicted she'd be able to walk again, but probably with a limp. 

So Garrus watched her sleep, anxiously paced the hospital floor and allowed himself to fantasize and hope for another shot. The war was over, they could just be together for once. He’d bring her to Palaven, maybe introduce her to his father and sister. He’d help her with Spectre missions, they’d rebuild both of their home worlds. Then, as he’d promised, they’d retire somewhere beautiful and tropical, and maybe a adopt a couple baby krogan.

The fantasy was enough to get him through the days she was unconscious, until the day she woke up and sat up in her bed, asked for a status report on the ship like nothing had happened. 

He laughed and leaned forward to embrace her, and Shepard’s body language immediately stiffened, like she wasn’t comfortable with the gesture. He tried not to take it personally, reunions would come later. But Shepard kept talking, asking questions, and they all realized something was very wrong.

She lifted her hand to his mandible, pointed at the scarring. “Garrus, what happened to your face?”

He felt his heart sink way down into the pit of his stomach. Liara and Dr. Chakwas exchanged nervous looks. Even the on-call doctor wore a look of quiet consternation. They ordered tests. Brain function was normal, her cognitive abilities were as good as they ever had been, possibly better. But there was still a problem. Something quite big that the doctors had no explanation for. 

She had no memory of anything that had happened in the last two years. The last thing she remembered was the day the collectors attacked the SR1. She didn’t have anything past that, nothing about Cerberus bringing her back, nothing about the Omega 4 suicide mission, the Collector base, Horizon, the new members of her crew and nothing from her time in lockup, the battle on Earth or any of the missions on Rannoch, Menae, Sur’Kesh, or the final battle with the Reapers. Nothing. Her memory was wiped clean of it all. 

Worst of all for Garrus, she didn’t remember anything about their relationship. To her, Garrus was just the immature ex-cop with an appetite for justice. He was not her partner, best friend and especially not her boyfriend. 

It was a strange sort of dance for the two, deciding how to handle things. Garrus took the lead, he felt it was his job to try to acclimate her to the new situation. He tried to give her time to adjust and space to grieve the loss of the time. 

Shepard was slowly coming to terms with what had happened. It felt like the victory was stolen from her. She felt like the Reaper threat was just around the corner. Her purpose was gone, just like that. 

Life was at a standstill, the aftermath of the Reaper battle had pretty much stranded everyone where they were. Much of the effort that had gone into the building and funding of the Crucible was immediately redirected into repairing the mass relays and finding ways to recover the lost tech. 

Shepard was broken. She’d survived against all odds, but now the exit wounds of the battle would prove to be her biggest challenge. Three long years had passed, and the world had changed without her. She was ready for a fight, worked up for a battle that would never come.


	2. Chapter 2

The days after she woke up passed in a blur. People swarmed her little hospital room, Alliance officials, media, patients, anyone who could get there. Garrus stood guard, keeping most of them out, letting in only trusted friends. Anyone else was turned politely away, and then more firmly if they didn’t get the hint. Shepard wasn’t in the mood of visitors most of the time.

She was fine to talk to people like Tali, Kaidan or Wrex, people she knew. She trusted them, and she knew them. It was harder for her with others, like James. He knew her, but she didn’t know him. It was odd for her, and she didn’t like pretending. She hated the way people’s faces would fall when she didn’t react the way they expected her to. 

Everyone was tiptoeing around her, like she would break at any minute, like if they upset her too much she would just fall apart. She had handled Anderson’s death, the loss of the Normandy and the loss of the use of her leg. She was Commander freaking Shepard. She didn’t need to be coddled.  
  
They hadn’t told her everything yet. Some stories were harder to swallow, and they didn’t want to overwhelm her with information, She took all the news in stride, but every time they told her something new she thought things couldn’t get weirder. They found a way to top that.

“Do you remember Alchera?” Liara asked cautiously.

“Yeah, we got attacked, I had to haul Joker into an escape pod because the asshole wouldn’t leave the ship.” Shepard sat back against her pillows, nonchalant. 

“That’s not all that happened,” Liara continued. “You didn’t make it into an escape pod. Joker says the ship was blown apart before you could get to one.”

Shepard nodded, not sure where the story was going but not liking the way Liara was looking at her and definitely not liking the worried faces of Garrus and Dr. Chakwas.

“You died, Shepard.”

A wave of nausea passed over her. She suddenly couldn’t breathe. She looked away from Liara, stared at her own chest, seeing the burn marks, choosing to focus on those instead.

“Cerberus brought you back.” Liara kept going, giving her the story piece by piece.

“An operative Miranda Lawson was in charge, that’s how you got your implants. She was actually your XO on the Normandy SR2 during the suicide mission,” Dr. Chakwas added.

Shepard wasn’t hearing any of it. The fact that she died was giving her trouble. She died on Alchera and yet, here she was. Of the stories she’d been told, this was one of the craziest.

“You know, maybe we should try to talk to Miranda,“ Garrus suggested. “She knows more about Shepard’s implants than anyone, maybe she knows something that could explain her memory loss.”

Dr. Chakwas frowned. “I had the same idea, but she has been rather difficult to reach.”

“Find her,” Shepard said, lying back down in her hospital bed. “And I’d like to be alone please.”

She rolled over to her side, putting her face to the wall, without waiting for them to leave. Garrus was last to leave, staring at her back for just a moment longer before he let Liara tug his arm out of the room.  
  
==  
  
Finding Miranda turned out to be easier than they expected. She actually found them first. After the war, she’d donated much of her father’s fortune to helping refugees, victims of Cerberus and especially those on Horizon. She herself had remained out of the public eye, preferring to do her good deeds anonymously. But she still had important friends and contacts that could keep her updated. She messaged Shepard’s doctors and asked for information on the Commander’s condition. Dr. Chakwas overruled the attending and gladly sent it over. Miranda messaged Shepard less than 48 hours later, asking if they could set up a video chat at the hospital. She agreed, hoping for answers. Kaidan was visiting that day, and Garrus came by as well. 

The communication tech set up a video link that Miranda could access, and the small group waited anxiously for her to call in. When Miranda came up on the screen, Shepard was taken aback, thrown by how young and pretty she was. She didn’t look like the type who could lead a project to bring someone back from the dead or take down an evil corporation. With her accent and sweet voice, she seemed charming and the girl next door type. 

“But then again,” Shepard reminded herself. “I don’t look like the type to have done most of the things I’ve done.” She stood next to the video screen, working hard to stay upright, her crutches digging into her armpits. "Shouldn’t have refused the wheelchair," her inner voice nagged.

“Thanks for sending over her records.“ Miranda’s image flickered slightly on the comm. “I’m afraid this was probably related to Project Lazarus.”  
Shepard, Garrus, Dr. Chakwas and Kaidan huddled around the tiny barely functional screen to listen. Miranda spoke again, a frown on her face that was visible even through the static. She spoke softly but clearly so all could hear and understand. 

“When we resurrected Commander Shepard it was imperative that she retain all her previous knowledge and personality. The Illusive Man insisted on it. We also increased some of her brain function, her focus, her ability to make quick decisions, and we also improved her short term memory and some of her other cognitive functions. However,“ Miranda took a longer than normal pause looking right at Shepard. “We worried that the trauma of her death and the associated negative emotions and stress would result in panic, post traumatic stress and would be too intense for her to process in time for our intended mission. So when we improved the parts of her brain we were able to do a little selective erasing of her memories of the trauma she experienced. And it appears that whatever happened with the Crucible has damaged her implants. We had to map her memories to pinpoint the right information, and it seems the damage is right where we stopped mapping.”

Dr. Chakwas asked another question, but Shepard couldn’t listen anymore. She turned away from the screen.

She was still coming to terms with the fact that she had died and been brought back, but she also had to deal with the fact that her memories had been stolen from her, and that it had been done to her on purpose. She was already recovering from the burns, the broken leg and the pain she had no explanation for, but now she had some woman, some cutesy Cerberus bitch telling her they had treated her body like a science experiment. 

Miranda was still talking, answering the question.

“…it shouldn’t affect her ability to retain future memories. Shepard, I’m so sorry.“ Miranda tried to make eye contact, even though Shepard was already looking away in disgust. “I’ll keep looking through my old data and see if there’s anything else we missed, if there’s someway to undo the damage.”

“Thank you Miranda,“ Garrus said calmly. He watched Shepard, who was shaking with anger. He wanted to comfort her, say something that would make her feel better. He didn’t know what he could say, and he didn’t even know if she would want to hear it.

“We’ll be in touch.” He leaned forward and switched off the video link. 

“Tell me why I thought working with Cerberus was a good idea? They fucked with my head! They stole my body and used me as a puppet and now i’ve lost years of my life because they didn't want me to have a couple bad memories!” Shepard slammed her hand down hard on the video screen, wobbling a little on her crutches. Both Kaidan and Garrus moved to support her. Kaidan saw the look in Garrus’s eyes and started to withdraw, but Shepard reached Kaidan first, so she used his arm to steady herself. 

“I’d like to go back to my room now. Doctor, can you get the door please?’

She let go of Kaidan and slowly walked past them both. Garrus exhaled as she left the room, he was still holding his arms out as if to reach for her. He felt useless and ignored and impossibly helpless. He had been so hopeful that Miranda would be able to help them, that she might know something that would unlock those lost parts of Shepard’s memory and somehow be able to bring them back. That somehow he would have her again, have his partner. 

But she treated him the way she used to, like an acquaintance and a subordinate, not a equal or a trusted advisor He had forgotten how much he had matured since Omega, and he was beginning to realize Shepard never would have fallen for him if he hadn’t gone through all of that and grown into the person he now was. How could he show her almost three years of growth in just a few days?

==

Shepard stared at herself in the mirror. A stranger looked back at her. In the last three years her appearance had changed drastically. Her red hair was longer, but it was thinner in places and uneven where it had broken or burnt. She needed a haircut desperately. Her skin was paler, her eyes sunken in and she had dark circles under her eyes. She needed color in her cheeks. She’d lost weight everywhere, muscle and fat, most of her curve was gone now. Her hips were bony, her ribs defined and her legs were thin and weak. She missed the fullness of her breasts, the strength in her legs, and the definition in her arms. Her cheekbones looked higher and her chin seemed sharper too. She hated herself like this. Not only was her life completely changed, but so was she. 

She was finally allowed to leave the hospital, with strict instructions on how to take care of herself and she was also required to continue physical therapy. The Alliance had basically taken over a local hotel and they were renting out most of the rooms to people who had been displaced due to the war. Shepard was staying there, along with Kaidan, Garrus and most of the Normandy Crew. A couple people, like Joker, were on ships that were serving missions on other parts of Earth. 

Mostly, people were waiting. Many ships had been damaged in the fighting, and many of the relays had yet to be repaired. Soldiers from all planets and places were hoping to go home. London served as the headquarters for much of them. Plans to repair and remodel the Citadel were already in motion. Life was starting over.

Still Shepard felt like her life was in two places. The person she was three years ago and the person she was supposed to be now. It was hard the way everyone looked at her, with pity. Poor little Shepard, can’t remember a thing. 

She stumbled around her little hotel room, unpacked her small bag of Alliance gear. Her BDUs, and some civilian clothing, a couple pairs of jeans, some t-shirts, socks, and boots. A hairbrush, toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo and body lotion went in the bathroom. A brand new datapad went on the tiny workstation and her leather jacket and N7 sweatshirt were hung carefully in the closet. That was the entirety of her worldly possessions. She sat on the bed and fiddled with the new omnitool they’d given her, even her biotic implant was state of the art and newly replaced.

She was brand new and yet, utterly old and worn out. She threw herself on the bed, heaving her bum leg up over the side, trying not to look at the ugly scars that decorated it. Instead she turned on the vid screen and tried to find something that would take her mind off things. News occupied almost every channel. Luckily they were playing a marathon of the old turian crime drama “Palaven Blues” on one of the more obscure channels. She sat there in silence, occasionally scoffing at some of the out of date references. A message from Garrus popped up, breaking her television hypnotism.

G: Can we meet up tomorrow? Something I want to talk about with you.

Shepard checked her schedule. A whole lot of nothing, other than PT at 11:30. She added the meeting to her calendar and typed a quick reply.

S: Sure, Brews on Elm, the coffee shop. Meet me at 13:00.

Shepard sent the message, rolled under the covers and tried her best to sleep. Dr. Chakwas had prescribed her some sleeping pills, and even a couple anti-anxiety meds for nights when her heart would race and her mind would’t stop. She hated taking meds for anything, but she finally acquiesced and swallowed the sleeping pills, falling into a heavy dreamless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Garrus arrived at the small coffee shop, exactly on time. He skipped the short line of customers, finding Shepard sitting alone at a private table in the back. 

Shepard greeted Garrus warmly, her bad leg propped up on a chair, a cup of coffee between her hands.

“Hey,” she said. “I just got some good news, they said I don’t need crutches any more. Still have to get my ass kicked every day at PT, but at least I can walk by myself.”

“That’s great,” he said, taking a seat across from her. He watched her smile fade and she took a drink in lieu of saying anything else.

“There’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” Garrus said, fiddling with a napkin on the table. 

“Okay.” Shepard straightened up, looked directly at him.

“I just got in touch with Victus.” Garrus saw the lack of recognition in her face and quickly revised. “The turian Primarch. I was one of his advisors during the war.”  
She nodded and waited for him to continue.

“They’ve gotten most of the relays back up, but there’s a couple that still need work,” Garrus started. “He wants to me come help with the turian relay, says my calibrating skills would come in handy.”

Shepard smiled, but didn’t laugh, the reference lost on her. Garrus inwardly sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought.

“So what’s the problem.” Shepard went back to her coffee. He hated the way she dismissed him so easily. 

“Well, do you think I should go?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” She frowned, having trouble with his questions. She was wearing her Commander face, practical, calculating. 

“They still need me here, I mean rebuilding London is going to take some time.”

“Don’t you want to go home? Shouldn’t you be with your people?”

“You are my people,” he thought. The way she asked him this, made him consider. He should want to go home, he should check in on his father and Solana. But he had planned on staying here as long as she did. He caught her eye and realized she was still waiting for an answer.

“I guess, I just thought maybe you’d want me to stick around.”

“I’m fine,” Shepard said, looking at him like he was silly for suggesting such a thing. She’d said the words so many times in the last few weeks they’d lost all meaning.

“I just thought…” Garrus crumpled up the napkin and pushed it aside. “I thought maybe you and I could just...spend some time together.”  
Maybe you could remember what made you want me in the first place, he finished silently.

“Garrus, you know I may never get my memory back... I mean, you’re my friend but…” Shepard’s facade began to falter, and she found herself searching for the right words. She stared at the table not looking directly at him. 

“I know,” he said fumbling for his own words, wishing he’d never said anything. “I just thought… you’d want to me to watch your six.”

Shepard looked extremely uncomfortable, grabbing the same mutilated napkin to slowly tear it to shreds. She took a nervous drink of her coffee, finding it empty.  
Garrus knew he had gone too far, so he tried to steer the conversation away from that topic, feeling like an idiot for even bringing it up.

“It will be nice to go home,” he lied. He was defeated and utterly disappointed. His subvocals would have given him away to any turian, or even to Shepard herself back when she understood them. Not anymore.

“Let me know how it goes,” she straightened up, any discomfort masked again. There was no doubt in her voice at all. Her mind was made up, and in her book, so was his. 

“The transport leaves tomorrow, that’s not much time to-”

“It’s okay, you don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine,” she shook her head and slid her leg off the empty chair. 

“Let me know how it goes, I’ll be here, jealous of you having all the fun,” she grabbed her jacket off the chair. “I’ve got a meeting with Chakwas, if I don’t see you before you leave, goodbye Garrus.”

Just like that, she was gone. Garrus sat there, wondering what the hell had just happened. Sure, he was foolish to think she'd beg him not to go, but she had practically shoved him on a ship. He was hoping she’d at least consider the idea of trying to get to know him better. That could not have gone more wrong if he’d tried. Maybe it was time to just accept it. Shepard was not going to get better and she wasn’t going to give him another chance. 

He pulled up his personal messages, found the one from Victus and sent his affirmative reply. He sat alone in the coffee shop, already regretting his decision. He sent a quick message to Tali asking if she would meet him. She responded almost immediately that she was in the area and would be there in just a few minutes. She seemed to understand the gravity of the situation once she saw the look on his face. She sat across from him, two strangers in a strange land, in a coffee shop they couldn’t even drink coffee in. 

==

Garrus found himself pacing the floor of his hotel room. He wasn’t tired and even if he was, he was way too wound up to sleep. He crossed the room, checking all access points obsessively. His conversation with Shepard had left him devastated and his mind was still reeling. His whole life had been turned in a different direction..  
His plan had always been to follow Shepard. But she didn’t want him to follow her. Now what?

He sat down at the edge of the bed, and buried his head in his hands. She was the love of his life, but it was a different life now. They’d gotten through the war but the fighting wasn’t over. She was still here and yet she wasn’t. How could she be in a hotel room just down the hall and feel like she was somewhere he’d never be able to reach again?

Why couldn’t she just look into his eyes and see him? See whatever it was that drew her to him in the first place?

Garrus sighed and fiddled with his visor, adjusting some of the settings, something he did when he was frustrated. It was easy to solve a problem like that. Guns, tech, these were things he could handle. But this Shepard thing...it was something no one could have prepared him for.

He picked up his datapad and checked for messages, nothing. Just the one from Victus with his travel itinerary. His background picture was the one they’d taken at the party at Anderson’s apartment. Even now, the memories made him smile.

How sad, yet fitting, that the two most important women in his life would be stolen from him by memory loss. He pictured his mother, asking for Garrus even though he was standing right in front of her. He could already feel the lump in his throat and swallowed it down before the feeling could overwhelm him. Instead he tried to think of something else, of anything else. 

A memory of Shepard, the day after they landed on Rannoch, when Shepard took down a reaper on foot, and she was ecstatic, optimistic and so was he. They spent all morning in bed, kissing, making love and talking. Always talking. Plans for the future, plans for tomorrow. He wanted to tell her how much she meant to him. But he couldn’t so he hid in his sub vocals, where he knew she was learning to look. 

Garrus sighed, a knot twisting in his stomach. Thinking of Shepard hurt, but it also helped. As bad as it was to not have her, to not have this, it would hurt even more to not know what it felt like to be with her.

Why did memory have to be such a fickle thing? Why couldn’t she have a memory like Thane’s? Every moment a perfect recollection, so easy to get lost in. It was so easy for him to picture the coy way she used to look at him, smell her hair, recall the softness of her skin. Yet, parts of her were already slipping away. 

Garrus considered for a moment, he had better ways to remember her. For the first time since she woke up, he accessed a very secret and very encrypted set of files on his visor. He’d named them all with numbers, not much to help him distinguish one from the next, but he knew what kind of videos were in this folder.  
He hesitated before playing the vid, was he really so desperate to be watching sexy vids of his ex-girlfriend?

Ex-girlfriend? Is that what she was? She definitely wasn’t his girlfriend, and she had been in the past. But an ex? An ex means we were together and we broke up, but us we’re just not together. There was no breaking up.

“Except that’s what it feels like we’re doing right now,” he thought. He pressed play.

The first image that filled the small screen felt like a knife in his heart. It was a close up, full of Shepard’s face, her smile wide and her laughter ringing in her ears. Hearing her laugh was painful, but he couldn’t stop now. 

“Garrus stop!” She shoved a hand in front of the camera lens. 

He then saw her dart away and try to close a door. He knew they were in her cabin and she was trying to hide in the bathroom. His video counterpart reached in and stopped her from closing the door completely. 

“You promised.” He could hear laughter in his own voice.

“Not until you stop filming.”

“That wasn’t the deal.”

Shepard closed the door fully and Garrus heard himself calling to her, his voice full of a carefree happiness that he longed for again.

“You made the bet, and loser has to pay up.” The camera turned away from the door for a moment. He was taunting her.

“Unless you are chicken…”

Shepard jerked the door open a crack, he zoomed in on her. “If anyone sees this…”

“You have my word, Shepard.”

She opened the door more and peeked her head out, her eyes looked directly into the camera.  
“I can’t!”

He saw his hand reach over and drag her out of the bathroom. It was then he noticed that Shepard was wearing her very old and ratty gray bathrobe, and he knew exactly which video he had chosen. He groaned to himself.

“You can do anything, you came back from the dead, you survived a suicide mission with no casualties- you’re just no good at poker.”

“Sit there,” she indicated the edge of her bed. The camera moved as he followed directions and sat down. The image then tilted slightly upward as he watched her.

Shepard teasingly untied the robe and let it fall from each shoulder separately. Both video Garrus and his present self inhaled sharply as she drew the cloth down, revealing what was underneath. She was wearing a black corset drawn in tightly, with a matching black bra and panty set. She also had lacy black stockings and black gloves on.

She tried to pose seductively but he could see the embarrassment on her face. “Spirits, she’s beautiful,” he thought. She shyly wrapped her hands around her waist and shifted her weight from foot to foot nervously. 

“Do you like it?”

He could see the camera moving closer to her and remembered the moment, how he’d crossed the room and lifted her in his arms. 

“I love it, but I still don’t see the point of lingerie if I’m going to be ripping it off of you in about 30 seconds.” His voice was filled with lust, and Garrus could feel himself getting turned on. It was a strange sort of arousal, tinged with guilt and confusion. 

He picked her up and threw her on the bed, Shepard scrambling to sit up and shuck him out of his clothes. It was a blur, a frenzy of movement, until it focused again on her face.

“Visor off.”

“I just wanted to have proof of it…”

Shepard was laying on her back on the bed, her red hair splayed around her face like a halo. She rolled her eyes at him, and blew a strand of hair out of her face. She spoke with a bland amusement. 

“The bet was that I’d wear the outfit, and you could take a vid, not that you’d get to make your very own porno.”

His video self leaned down to kiss her, and he could hear laughter as she reached up and took his visor off and then the video ended there. 

Of course he remembered the rest of it, how he’d made love to her, wearing those lace stockings and that sexy corset. He shuddered, just thinking about it made him want her. It was one of the last times before the whole mess with Aratoht. When she’d come back to him a second time, he thought there was nothing that would keep them apart ever again. He was wrong. 

Garrus sat frozen for a moment, feeling the anger and frustration swell within him again. His already broken heart had just shattered into a million more tiny pieces.  
He had to get out of this hotel room, this torture. He sent a quick message to Wrex knowing the krogan was his best bet.

_G:You know where to get a good drink in this town?_


	4. Chapter 4

Shepard was a heavy sleeper, always had been, even without the drugs. When she heard heavy knocks on her door in the middle of the night she thought it was just part of a dream. Except when she opened the door in her dream, the bangs continued. Her eyes wrenched open and she begrudgingly dragged herself out of bed. She threw her N7 hoodie on over her black tank top and pajama pants. 

“Whoever is waking me up at this ungodly hour had better have a good reason, or I swear I will feed them to a thresher maw,” she grumbled, stumbling against the walls of the room, her limp exaggerated by the fact her body was not yet awake. 

She threw open the door, and there was Garrus, dressed in his casual clothes, visor conspicuously gone, and he was swaying on his feet.

He reeked of alcohol, and Shepard just wanted to slam the door in his face. The sad little lost look on his face made her reconsider and step aside to allow him to come inside.

“Shepard,” he purred at her. “How are you?”

“What the hell Garrus? It’s like 2 am, what do you want?” She was awake enough to be truly annoyed now, no pity for his pathetic drunken state.

“Just wanted to say goodbye, I’m off to Palaven tomorrow morning.” Garrus’s voice was affected, if a turian could slur this is how it would have sounded. 

Garrus watched her, he wasn’t so drunk that he was not aware of the pure irritation she projected at him. It had sounded like a great idea, to come say his goodbyes in person this time. He wanted to give her one last chance to ask him to stay.

“You mean this morning,” she sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, tangled and matted from sleep. “I know the transport is leaving early, you should be in bed by now.”

“I’ve told you, we don’t need that much sleep.” Garrus strolled over to her, drunk enough to forget that like so many things he’d told Shepard, this one was filed away in that deleted folder within her brain.

“So say your goodbyes, and let me get some sleep.” Shepard was not amused by any of this.

“Goodbye Shepard, are you sure there’s not any reason you want me to stay?”

“I’ve told you, Palaven is where you belong, I am fine.” Shepard folded her arms and gave him her best defiant look.

Garrus was failing so hard at this, he had it all planned in his head. He thought to himself, “I would come to say my goodbyes, and I’d give her one last chance, and maybe this time it would be different, maybe something would spark her memory.”

“I could make her remember,” he thought, and he was at her side before he even realized what he was doing.

“Okay,” he muttered. “If that’s what you want.”

“Goodbye,” she said evenly, already reaching for the door.

The lack of emotion in her voice was irritating, enough to get his hackles up, and he was still drunk and irrational. But he calmed down when she opened her arms to give him her version of a friendly hug.

So he took it, because he knew it was all she would offer. She hugged him for a little longer than she should hug a friend, and she thought it was probably the lack of sleep and the fact that she did feel somewhat sorry for him.

But Garrus melted into the hug, and he couldn’t quite let go. The hug grew closer, and he could feel Shepard getting uncomfortable and starting to pull away. Instead he pulled her even closer, brushed his face against her neck and smelled her hair. Her hair always smelled so amazing and this time was no exception.  


Shepard was squirming, and tried to slip out of his arms. But she was still groggy and clumsy and he was bold with alcohol, need and desperation. So he continued to nuzzle her neck and in a flash of bravery, he pressed his lips against her soft skin.

“Just let me,” he mumbled into her throat. He kissed her collarbone, pulled the sweatshirt away so he could get to her shoulder.

“What are you doing?” Shepard’s voice was weary but not weak. But Garrus was drunk, and determined to make this count.

Before she could react her grabbed her hands in his talons and held them there, carefully arranging their hands so her five fingers intertwined with his three. Shepard had always just known how to make their hands fit.

“I know you, I know how to make…” he trailed off, as he raised their connected hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “Remember how good we are together?”

Shepard closed her eyes for a moment, and just let herself feel, it was like she was borrowing someone else’s body, she was paralyzed as Garrus kissed and caressed her. She found herself reacting to his touch, and her body and mind battled as she tried to fight what she was feeling. His alien tongue and talons should have felt wrong, unnatural, but instead she felt herself arch into his embrace. She liked the way he was touching her waist, kissing her neck, but her mind screamed at her that it was wrong. He continued to try to use her body against her, and he slid his hands to her breasts, rubbing her nipple through the thin top, and like a traitor it hardened.

“Garrus,” she spoke again, this time loud enough to make him look at her. He looked up at her briefly but didn’t let go of her. He kissed her collarbone again, lazily running over it with his tongue. She fought back a moan.

“You love me,” he said into her chest. “Just let me show you.”

This brought her crashing back into herself. When she felt his tongue on her skin and his talons against her this time it didn’t arouse, it infuriated her. He panted heavy in her ear, breathless with lust and it disgusted her. 

“Let me go!” she cried, breaking out of his grasp while he was distracted. Her hands were tightly balled into fists and her entire body was tense. She made sure to stare directly into his eyes so he could see how mad she really was.

Garrus was immediately horrified and apologetic. “I’m sorry, I-”

“No, you don’t get to be sorry. You need to accept it, I am not your girlfriend. You can’t just kiss me and make it come back. Those years are gone. I don’t love you. Just because you keep telling me I did, it doesn’t mean anything.” Her eyes were full of fire and she spat the words at him, still breathing hard and tense with action. “I’m never going to remember, and I know that’s hard for you, but you need to move on with your life.”

She made a show of wiping his saliva off her neck and of gathering her hoodie around her body. She was still in a battle stance, her legs broad, her arms up at chest level. She looked ready to punch him at the slightest provocation.

“I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to-“ Garrus tried to come closer but she moved away as soon as he came forward, putting more and more distance between them.

“Just go, just go home.” Her eyes were wet with something, possibly tears, but she still stood her ground. 

“Shepard-” He tried one more time, his final resort.

“Garrus, if you don’t leave this second, I swear I will rip your ugly turian head off,” she said, and it was in her best Commander voice, the one she only pulled out when she was planning on blowing something or someone up.

He knew better than to disobey her this time, so he hung his head and silently walked out, hearing the door shut immediately behind him. 

Shepard locked both the digital and the physical locks and backed away from the door. She was frantic and devastated and wide awake. She kept replaying the whole scene in her mind and she could still feel him on her skin. She felt furious at Garrus and herself. She should have stopped him sooner, shouldn’t have offered the hug, should have pushed him away before it got too serious. Despite what she remembered, this body had been with Garrus, and it remembered his touch even if her brain didn’t.


	5. Chapter 5

  
Shepard couldn’t get back to sleep after Garrus left. She laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling and processing everything that had happened. She finally got up and made herself some instant coffee and checked her messages.

She had messages from Hackett, and an interview request from someone named Diana Allers. She declined the interview and instead tried to reply to the Admiral, but every time she tried to focus on anything she found her mind wandering. She was completely out of whack.

She dragged herself out of the room to go to physical therapy. Her leg was tighter than usual, and her limp was even more pronounced. She could barely do the exercises, and she saw her therapist getting annoyed with her. Shepard had lost the will to fight for the day.

She apologized, “I didn’t get a good night’s sleep.”

He gave her some exercises to do and made her promise to give him 110% at their next session. She agreed, but felt sick inside. “Fucking Garrus,” she thought. After therapy she had nothing to do, but she needed to clear her head.

She went back to the her hotel but not to her own room. She decided on a whim to visit an old friend. She wasn’t surprised that he’d been made a Spectre. She knew Kaidan was in a weird sort of limbo between his duty to the Council and his loyalty to Earth and the Alliance. He was staying on the floor below her, and Shepard decided today was a good day to make a visit. He probably wouldn’t be in anyway.

He was. He answered the door after a few knocks, a bit surprised to see her but his mouth broke into a smile. Shepard smiled back, giggling a bit to herself. He was  
shirtless, dressed in low slung track pants, and he had a damp towel around his neck. His spiky hair was in his eyes and he looked flushed.

“Sorry.” He self-consciously pulled his pants up over his hips. “I just got back from the gym.”

She had noticed that he looked a lot more built than she remembered. He had always been in shape, but he was bigger and he just looked more powerful. She’d always thought his power came from his biotics and his strength was to support that. Now he looked more intimidating all over. He must have been hitting the gym hard in these last few years.

“Hey, I can come back later,” Shepard said, already retreating back into the hallway.

Kaidan shook his head. “No, no, come on in.”

He stepped aside to let her pass. His room was even smaller than hers. He had a little workstation, a king sized bed and a tiny little sitting area with a couch and a video screen. Then a bathroom with a walk-in shower. That was pretty much it. 

“I just wanted to see how you were, find out what you were up to.” Shepard tried her best to hide her discomfort. “Do you have plans for lunch?”

“Oh totally, we need to talk.” Kaidan fumbled with the sweaty towel. “Do you mind if I just jump in the shower first and then we can go around the corner to the cafe.”

“That’s fine,” she said, taking a seat on the old lumpy couch.

Kaidan hurried into the bathroom and started up the shower. Shepard sat there, still feeling a little awkward, but she didn’t sit for long.

Kaidan hummed under his breath, and rubbed some shampoo through his hair. He scrubbed his head and then began lathering up some cheap soap over his chest and arms. He wondered if he should shave, his chin was getting pretty scruffy, but Shepard wouldn’t mind, would she? As he contemplated, he felt a rush of cold air as the bathroom door opened, and then he heard a soft padding of feet on the floor. He looked around the shower curtain and there was Shepard, clad only in a bra and panties.

He dropped the soap in surprise. His feelings for Shepard had gone down with the SR1, and he hadn’t thought of her as anything other than a trusted friend in years. Here she was almost naked in his shower, covered in scars and even more battle wounds that he knew were just below the surface. He knew Garrus had left, and he knew that their relationship had been strained ever since she woke up.

“Care for company?’’ she purred, as she started to slide back the shower curtain.

“Don’t,” he said, as she tried to reach for him. “Just stop. You don’t want to do this.”

Shepard’s eyes flashed, and he could see the hurt in her eyes, masked with anger. “Come on Kaidan, don’t tell me you never once thought about…”

“I know you better than that,” he said, shutting the water off. “This isn’t want you want.”

Shepard erupted at his phrasing. “I wish everyone would stop telling me how I feel and what I want!”

She stomped out of the bathroom, and Kaidan followed, throwing a towel over himself. When he reached her, she was dressing, zipping up her jeans and yanking her t-shirt over her head. Her eyes were wet with tears. Kaidan didn’t know what to say, so he held out his arms, and she found them, sobbing.

“I’m sorry,” she choked out eventually. “I shouldn’t have done that, I just wanted…”

“What?” Kaidan said, sitting down on his bed, keeping the towel firmly around his waist.

“To feel like I wasn’t broken,” she said, wiping away more tears. “I wanted to prove to myself that what happened didn’t mean anything.”

Kaidan sat there, and waited for her to stop crying, and slowly, he coaxed the story out of her. It was hard at times to relate to her, but he just listened to his friend and let her say what she needed to say. She and Garrus were two of his best friends, and they had brought each other so much happiness. It had to be killing Garrus to leave her, but he knew how difficult it must be for Shepard to deal with all of this.

“Thank you,” she said. “I feel like I have so few friends right now.”

Shepard looked calm and thoughtful, a pensive look on her face. He could see she still had the underlying tension in her brow. 

“You still want lunch?” Shepard asked, already standing up.

“Okay,” Kaidan said, grabbing clean clothes out of his luggage. He quickly dressed in the bathroom and combed his hair.

Kaidan grabbed his keys and wallet and opened the door for Shepard. He then reached out and took her hand, giving it a quick squeeze. She looked down at it with a strange look on her face, he couldn’t tell if it was approval or not. 

“I’ve been meaning to tell you, I’ve been kind of seeing..someone,” he told her as they walked to the tiny cafe.

“That’s great,” Shepard said honestly. Once she had gotten over her embarrassment, she realized that she and Kaidan really were meant to be friends. She knew he was lonely.

“I don’t know if you met her again, she was on your squad for awhile. She works at Grissom Academy.”

“Jack?” Shepard knew about the woman, she’d seen pictures and Garrus had commented on her when they talked about their time with Cerberus. She knew the young woman was very pretty, but she was also covered in tattoos and seemed a bit harsh for someone like Kaidan.

“Yeah it’s still new. We’ve only been out a couple times. Sometimes I’m not sure if she’s going to kiss me or kill me, but she’s great.”

Shepard laughed with him as they pushed open the cafe door together. 

“Kaidan and Jack, eh?” she thought. “Stranger things have happened, I guess.”

At lunch they carried on a friendly conversation, Shepard asking him about the gym, and his Spectre training and him asking about her physical therapy and visits with the council. Kaidan seemed so optimistic, so excited for the future. Shepard found his enthusiasm refreshing, but she was also jealous. He had so much in store for him, and yet she felt completely stuck with nothing to strive for.

When they were finishing and Kaidan was paying the check, a young man approached her. They had been introduced before at the hospital, it was James Vega. She knew he had served on the Normandy while they fought the reapers. Apparently they had struck up a friendship and so Shepard tried to be nice to him, but sometimes found his familiarity uncomfortable. 

“Hey Lola, I mean Commander,” James said, already blushing from calling her the wrong thing. Shepard always stared at him so blankly. “I was hoping I’d bump into you.”

“Hello Lieutenant,” Shepard replied, all business, a little annoyed at the interruption but she tried to be friendly.

“While you were in lockdown, Anderson smuggled you this journal, and I guess he took it when he left Vancouver. I found it when we were going through his personal effects.”

Shepard cringed. The fact that Anderson was dead still stung a bit. She quickly recovered, bringing her expression back to neutral. 

James held it out to her. “I thought you’d want it back.”

It was an old fashioned paper journal, smaller than a datapad, with a plain black cover. The inside had “Property of Commander J. Shepard” written in Shepard’s blocky printing.

“I didn’t read it, if you are worried,” he added.

“I don’t know what’s in it, so I guess it wouldn’t matter,” she said, flipping through it quickly. Most of it was blank, but there were a few drawing and entries.

“We thought it might help you remember,” James offered, seeing Kaidan come up behind her. “Hey man.”

“Hi James,” Kaidan said warmly. “How are you? When you heading out for N school?”

“Soon,” James couldn’t hide his enthusiasm. “Once we get the rest of the relays up and the Alliance can touch base, they are gonna start the program up again. Supposedly the number of recruits is at an all time high.”

Shepard smirked, she couldn’t imagine this meathead being an N7, but he must have done something right if she had allowed him on her ship and if everyone was so friendly to him. She would be curious to see if he made it through the first stage of training. Shepard had fond memories of ICT, but it had taken years for the experience to really sink in and for the lessons she learned to show themselves. 

“Sounds good, let me know how it goes,” Kaidan said, reaching out a hand. “We’ll see you around James.”

“Sure thing.” James shook Kaidan’s hand eagerly. 

“Have a nice day Commander,” James said, making sure to make eye contact with her. 

Shepard smiled at him, she had to give him credit, he was trying so hard. “Goodbye Vega.”

“What’s it say?” Kaidan asked her as she thumbed through it. The first pages were empty, but there were doodles and writings on several pages. She wasn’t sure if she should show him, but they laughed together at a picture she’d drawn of a hanar fighting a reaper. 

He dropped her off at her hotel room, giving her a quick hug. “For both our sakes, I’m not going to tell Jack I saw you in your underwear.”

“Probably a good idea.” Shepard laughed and waved goodbye.


	6. Chapter 6

She was eager to see what she had written about, and what knowledge the journal might provide about her time in lock-up and beyond.  
Shepard sat down on her bed, and flipped the journal open. The first few pages were blank. A couple had notes she’d jotted down, names, dates, places that made no sense. She had doodles of the Normandy, a horrible self portrait, and a list of mods she wanted to make to her shotgun.  
She turned to a page with a proper journal entry:

_Shepard’s Journal_

_Today I did 200 sit ups and 100 pushups but I can still tell I’m gaining weight. Prison food is way too good after all the dehydrated rations we got on the Normandy. I read a couple books, old classics.  Couldn’t really concentrate much.  
I’ve been thinking about Garrus a lot. It’s kind of embarrassing and I’ll probably erase this later but I think I’m in love with him. The night before I turned myself in, I told everyone I wanted to be alone. Garrus didn’t listen. He stood outside my cabin and waited patiently while I decided whether or not to let him in. Then he just stayed with me, he didn’t make me talk about my feelings or anything. But I did, my entire guts just spilled out and I told him everything I was feeling, my anger, my guilt, my frustration. He just listened and then he just laid there on the bed and held me. We didn’t have sex or anything. It was just comfort, loving and I slept the best I have since we took down the Collector base. _

_I don’t really know what we are to each other. We’re more than just friends for sure, we’re more than just sparring buddies, more than friends with benefits. All I know, is that he was exactly who I needed at that time.  And of everything I miss right now, in my isolation and boredom, he’s the person I want to talk to the most._  


 _I feel like he really understands me. He doesn’t do that guy thing where he tries to fix everything, but at the same time he doesn’t just tell me exactly what I want to hear. I feel like he would tell me if he disagreed with me, but he would support any decision I make with complete loyalty. I’ve never felt like that with anyone.  
I keep thinking about what he must be doing right now. Little bits of news make it to me, Vega tells me things he knows I’ll be interested in, and so does Anderson even though I’m sure its against rules. I know he went home to Palaven. So far the Reapers have held off, but they’re close. I hope wherever he is he’s okay._

Shepard kept reading, more pages were blank. She could see places were she had started writing and then given up midway through. Her workout routine was detailed on a page, and then on another, she’d written her Bucket list.

_Shepard’s Bucket List_  
 _1\. Go to my childhood home, if it’s still there_  
 _2\. Make Admiral_  
 _3\. get married_  
 _4\. have a child. maybe?_  
 _5\. make sure Tali gets back to Rannoch_  
 _6\. visit Palaven with Garrus (meet his family_ )  
 _7\. retire on my terms_

She smiled at the list. They were all things she definitely wanted to do. Maybe she could even add a few more now. She flipped the page, and saw the way her handwriting was messier than before, frantic even.

_Fuck. The fucking reapers are on Palaven. If he’s dead_  
 _He can’t be dead. I love him. If he dies and I never get to tell him-_  
 _Why didn’t I tell him?_

Shepard stalled at this page for a moment. She knew the reapers had hit Palaven before Earth and that there had been heavy losses, millions of people. Garrus had hardly been able to get his father and sister off the planet, but they were back now. She wondered what it was like, how bad the destruction was. Garrus had never spoken of it. The topic was always dropped and she gathered information from other sources. She thought maybe she should send Garrus a message, it had been a few days since he left and the smoke had cleared. Maybe they could try to be friends again. 

She opened the message program and got as far as selecting the recipient, and then once she tried to write the message, she found herself unable to continue, so she closed the screen and checked her unread mail instead.

She had a message from Joker, asking her to meet him at the local pub tomorrow night. She hadn’t seen him since she woke up in the hospital, and she missed his sarcastic humor. She missed all her old friends. She missed feeling like herself, and not the woman formerly known as Commander Shepard.

She kept reading the journal, noticing that the tone was getting sadder and darker. No more little doodles or little notes. Her workouts got longer and tougher, she was focusing on building more strength and endurance. She had more lists, more gun and armor mods she wanted to make. Nothing else about Garrus, except a very morbid letter at the end of the journal.

_Shepard’s last will and testament (note upload this to my Alliance records once I get out of here)_

_If I die, I want to be cremated and I want my ashes scattered somewhere nice. Anderson can pick, maybe on a hill next to a lake or something. If Garrus is alive, please give him my kuwashii visor. Tali gets my model of the flotilla. Grunt gets the gun of his choice and my hamster if Dizzy’s still alive. Joker gets my model of the destiny ascension. Wrex gets my Carnifex. Mordin can have my collector base model. Liara gets my helmet. Give Jack my poetry book, it was a gift from Ashley, make sure she understands what that means. Give Miranda my old cerberus uniform (with the logo ripped off). Give Chakwas my model of the SR1. Samara gets the painting I did of Omega. Give Jacob my gauntlets and Vega gets my N7 chest plate. Kaidan should have my model of Sovereign. Oh and Legion gets my model of the geth dreadnought._

_David Anderson gets my medals, and my dog tags. He also is under strict orders not to let my image be used for Alliance propaganda._

_Don’t have a funeral unless you absolutely have to. I would like my crew to gather to remember me if possible, but I understand we might be in the middle of a war.  
At the memorial, don’t be too sad, but ask Thane to say a prayer for me. Only Thane is allowed to pray or mention religion. Everyone else should get drunk and talk shit about me. _

_I have a set of letters in my omnitool that need to go out, letters to Garrus, Liara, Tali, Kaidan and Anderson. Please send them only after I die._  
 _Tell everyone I love them dearly and that I’m sorry if I ever wronged them and that I only wanted to do what made sense to me, and what I thought was the best option._  
 _If all else fails, please tell Garrus that he was my something right._

_LT. Commander J. Shepard_

==

Shepard swallowed hard and shut the journal. No more entries. She wondered for a moment, what was on the letters she’d written to go out if she’d died. Her old omnitool was fried, nothing recoverable. 

Her new notification light blinked once.

She opened it to see a message from Garrus, sent to a group of people, most of the old crew. Her name was last on the list, and she wondered if he had only sent the message to her as a formality or an afterthought.  
He was home, he wrote. Palaven was in ruins, and the Primarch would need him for some time. She read it quickly and deleted it without pause. Nothing she didn’t already know. 

She stared at her omnitool, thinking about asking to see her Alliance records, make sure they were current. She wondered if her will had been updated. It would need to be again, now that things had changed. She’d need to take Anderson out of it. The thought tortured her.

A second message, sent directly from Garrus to her, popped up, bringing her back to the present.

Only two words.

_I’m sorry._


	7. Chapter 7

Shepard had agreed to go out for drinks with Joker and some of her old squad. She walked the short distance to the bar, and went inside. It was pretty quiet, only a couple people sitting at the bar and a few at tables. A vid screen played news but the sound was off. Joker, Liara and Tali were already sitting at a table, a few bottles surrounding them.

“Shepard!” Joker exclaimed happily. She gave him a Joker version of a hug, allowing him to stay seated, and gently wrapped an arm across his back. She greeted Tali and Liara each with a hug as well. 

Tali spoke up first. “So, Garrus smuggled me a few bottles of this dextro wine, the bartender wasn’t going to let me bring it in, but then I said I was here to see Commander Shepard and he was all apologies.”

“Glad to know you can still drop my name and make shit happen,” Shepard said, smiling at her friend. She was glad it was a group she was familiar with. Tali and Liara were easy to talk to, they didn’t make her feel guilty or uncomfortable and they seemed to know when to stop. 

“What’s going on with the Normandy?” Shepard asked. She knew Joker’s favorite subject was a sure fire way to get the pilot talking.

But Joker didn’t have much to say, the Alliance was refurbishing the ship, but Joker had been shut out of the plans and would probably be permanently reassigned.

“Plus, I don’t know if I could fly her again, it wouldn't feel right.” Joker started peeling the label from his bottle. ”Without EDI.”

Shepard didn’t know much about the AI, only what she’d been told and a few documents she’d been given about her mission history. She knew from things Garrus and Tali had said, that Joker and EDI had been in some strange relationship, and that EDI had been given a body. She hated how she was always walking into these situations, saying the wrong thing because something had happened that she didn’t remember. 

“Hey now.” Joker had noticed her discomfort. “Let’s not start bumming everyone out.”

Liara took the opportunity to talk, “You look good, you barely even limped on your way in here.”

Tali nodded as well. Shepard had to admit it was kind of nice having all of her friends on earth with her. In the short time she’d been here, she’d noticed Tali was more self assured, and Liara was less awkward and more confident. They’d said something about her being the new shadow broker, which Shepard found extremely interesting and definitely worth learning more about. 

“Thank you, how is the work going on the Citadel?” Shepard asked, taking a long drink of her beer. 

“Quite well actually,” Liara answered. “There were extensive reports and blue prints available so we were able to recreate most of the structures perfectly. Plus this isn’t the first time you’ve required it to be rebuilt sooo…”

“Yeah Shepard, I’m starting to think you like destroying the citadel,” Tali teased gently.

Joker’s message light flickered and he checked him omni-tool quickly. “Hey everybody, Vega is going to join us, hope you don’t mind.”

“Okay,” Shepard said. “What do you think of the beer, Liara?”

She made a face. “It’s not what I’m used to.”

“I’m sorry they don’t have a lot of asari liquor around here.” Joker waved at James who had just entered the bar.

“Hey man.” James gave Joker a small fist bump and then turned to the rest of them. “Ladies, you are all looking lovely this evening. Liara, Tali, Commander.”

He tipped an imaginary hat at each of them. Liara rolled her eyes, but her shy smile peeked through.  Tali gave a badly disguised giggle and took another drink of wine through a straw. Shepard thought it was funny how they got all googly eyed about this marine. He was a bit beefy but she didn’t see the appeal. 

“Wheres Scars and the Major?” Vega sat down between Tali and Liara and took the beer closest to him.

“He left to help the Primarch,” Tali told him. She looked over at Shepard who was confused. “He has nicknames for all of us. Scars is Garrus.”

“Oh okay.” Shepard nodded and took another drink of a beer. She got up to talk to the bartender. 

“Got anything stronger than this beer?”

“Sure thing Commander.” The bartender poured her a selection of different shots and set them on a tray. “For you and your friends.”

“Thank you,” she said softly, and turned to go back. It was strange having random people know who she was, but it was something she’d been slowly getting used to.

The bartender reached out and took her hand, “Commander Shepard, my brother fought in the Reaper war, he said there was a Brute right on him when the Crucible fired. If you hadn’t done what you did…”

Shepard was uneasy, she hated being thanked for things, especially something like this that she didn’t even remember doing. She didn’t fight for recognition. Other people’s gratitude always made her embarrassed.

“I did what I had to, thank your brother for serving with us next time you get a chance,” she said, dismissing him with a nod and quickly darting away.

When she returned to the table, her friends were all laughing at something Joker had said. She proudly handed out shots to each of them, except Tali who was doing just fine on her turian wine. 

“That was downright decent of you Commander,” James said, doing a quick shot of tequila. “Man, that shit burns, but it’s worth it.”

Shepard did her own shot of tequila, feeling it burn all the way down, the warmth spreading all the way to her toes. A few more of these and she would be on the floor fast. But after the last few days, the last few weeks, it felt like she could let herself go. 

“Careful there,” Liara warned, as she eyed Shepard who was already reaching for another shot. “You’re still recovering. You can’t go pounding shots without feeling it. You’ll regret it tomorrow.”

“What are you, my mom… although you are old enough,” Shepard paused, her hand about to take another tequila. “I know you are only looking out for me, but I just want to take a night off from being me if that’s all right.”

Liara let out an awkward laugh. “Okay, fair enough.”

Kaidan arrived late, and let the group give him a good natured ribbing, and he promised to buy the next round.

“Hey,” he patted Joker on the shoulder and then gave Liara a quick kiss on the cheek. He reached over to hug Tali as well, and then Shepard. “Tali has been pinging me all night, thought I’d better come on over.”

“Where’s Ja-ack?” Tali asked. Shepard watched as Kaidan blushed.

“Good lord Tali, is there anything you don’t know about?” he asked, staring at her. Everyone knew that Tali was the resident gossip and had a way of finding out everyone’s secrets.

“You and Jack, seriously?” Joker grinned. “I think I’ll have to buy you a beer, Major.”

“I just said goodbye to her, thank you,” Kaidan finished answering Tali’s question. She and a group of biotics were headed to an assignment in Manchester.”

He winked at Shepard and took the beer that Liara offered him. She smiled and went back to her conversation.

She continued to talk to Liara about upgrades to the Citadel and about Liara’s own future plans. Kaidan was talking to Tali about tech drones. Joker and James were talking about different ships they’d served on. Shepard was starting to feel loose and relaxed, not caring about the situation as much. 

“So Tali, tell Shepard about your boyfriend,” Liara teased. Shepard laughed, sitting up on her stool.

“Tali has a boyfriend? Is he a quarian? Is he cute?” Shepard leaned in to hear.

“He is. His name is Kal,” Liara told her. “He’s all she talks about.”

Tali giggled a little and sipped her wine. “We’re just good friends.”

“Friends with benefits, I’ll bet,” Joker snorted. They all laughed.

“You should see how he treats her, he’s so in love with her. He treats her like a queen,” Liara continued, as Tali squirmed, her body language giving away her embarrassment. 

“Good for you Tali.” Kaidan’s voice cut through the dim. “You deserve to be treated like that.”

“I’m happy for you,” Shepard said. “I want all my friends to be happy.”

Tali hiccuped, “Tell that to Garrus.”

The group suddenly fell silent, everyone looking at Shepard. She felt her face grow hot, embarrassment, maybe anger coloring her cheeks. 

“Oh come on you guys,” Tali slurred. “It’s not like its a big secret. Just because Shepard doesn’t remember all of it doesn’t change what happened. “

“Garrus loved you, he was devastated when you pushed him away. I can’t believe you would hurt him like that,” she said, pointing her gloved finger at Shepard, an accusation. 

“What?” Shepard suddenly felt way too sober. “What did he tell you?”

“You were his best friend, even before you were his girlfriend. You should have seen him the night before he left. He went out drinking with Wrex and the two of them got thrown out of 3 bars.”

“Why is that my fault?” Shepard lifted the bottle in front of her, finding it empty.  “He needed to go home. He knows that we’re not together. I did the right thing, he needed to go.”

Tali wasn’t going to let it go. “You could have given him a chance, at least.”

Shepard started drinking one of Liara’s untouched beers and didn’t answer. She slouched down in her chair trying to make herself invisible. They were all looking at her with concern.

“Shepard, you need to stop,” Liara said, touching her friend gently on the arm. “You’re not at 100 percent yet and you’ve had too many drinks.”

“No, I’m _fine_ ,” Shepard pulled away from Liara, and she drank the rest of the beer in one long swallow. Things were getting a little fuzzy though. For a moment no one spoke, but Tali was still locked on Shepard.

“He told me you practically shoved him on a ship to Palaven rather than deal with him,” Tali said. “You two are my best friends, and I just want you to get back together.”

“I’m sorry if I can’t get back together with him for you, Tali,” Shepard said bitterly. Joker handed her a fresh beer.

“Mind if I change the subject?” James asked tentatively.

“I’ll pay you a million credits,” Shepard said, taking a long swig.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that Kal'Reegar died in the game, but I don't care. :)


	8. Chapter 8

==

“So James, how do you feel about helping me take a drunk quarian, a commander and a guy with brittle bones home?”

Liara surveyed the damage. Kaidan had long since abandoned them, he had training early in the morning. Tali was barely staying on her stool, her head wobbling from the weight of her helmet. Shepard was also having trouble keeping upright, and she and the quarian kept making each other laugh hysterically at things that no one else found that funny.

“Sure Doc,” James stood at attention, and lifted Tali completely off her stool. He carried her as if she weight nothing and Tali hardly seemed to notice as she rested her head against his chest. 

“I’m fine!” Shepard pushed Liara away as she tried to help her up. She wasn’t though, and stumbled, Liara grabbing her by the waist to keep her standing.

“You take Shepard, and I’ll get these two,” James helped Joker up off the stool. The pilot was just a little tipsy, not as bad as Tali who was mumbling under her breath about toxin filters. 

“Come on,” Liara helped the Commander put on her jacket. She thanked the bartender politely and made sure to give him a good tip.

“Liara, you are so blue…” Shepard slurred. “How can you be my friend?”

“You sure you can handle her?” James said, laughing to himself as Shepard stumbled to hold herself up. She was extra uncoordinated, from her injury and intoxication. 

“I've got her under control,” Liara assured him, as Shepard steadied herself. “Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had to take care of a drunk human.”

Liara allowed Shepard to lean against her as they walked back to Shepard’s hotel. Shepard was laughing loudly and limping on her bad leg.

Shepard started trying to open a door, but it wasn’t her room, it was the fire escape. Liara steered Shepard to the right room and unlocked the door for her. 

Shepard limped inside, tripping over a laundry bag and almost fell down. Instead of laughing, she let out a heavy sigh, “Why am I so fucked up?”

“It’s okay. “ Liara helped her friend sit down on her bed. She unlaced the Commander’s boots and took off her jacket, pulling the boots off and setting them aside, and neatly draping the jacket over a chair. 

“You’re just having a hard time adjusting.” Liara watched as Shepard crawled up to the pillows.

“You get me.” Shepard laid down and closed her eyes. “It’s so hard with everyone expecting so much of me, and I’m just trying to…”

“Oh shit, the world is spinning, why is it so spinny?” She laughed and then collapsed again trying to hold still. 

“Don’t talk.” Liara sat beside her. “Do you want me to take off some of your clothes? Your pants at least? It can’t be comfortable to sleep with all those buckles.”

“You’re so nice to me.” Shepard lifted her hips as Liara slid her pants down, leaving her in her t-shirt and boy short style underwear. She kicked the sheets down and Liara helped her pull it back up and over herself. 

“Shepard, there’s a bottle of water and some pain killer on your bedside table. You’ll need it in the morning.”

She started trying to walk away, but she suddenly heard Shepard calling her name, “Liara!”

“Yes?”

“Would you do the meldy mind thing with me? See if there’s anything I remember that ...I don’t?”

“Shepard, we can talk about that when you feel better. Goodnight.”

The commander just murmured and curled into a ball. Liara smiled and left her friend to sleep. She hoped Shepard could handle the fallout. 

==

Shepard woke up the next morning feeling like she headbutted an army of Krogan. Her mouth was dry, her whole body ached and even the natural light that peeked in through the curtains was too bright.

She dragged herself out of bed, groping against the bedside table to check the time. She also saw a bottle of water and some aspirin. 

“Bless you Liara,” Shepard thought as she swallowed some of each and considered going back to bed for as long as it would take to get over this hangover, a week at least. But now that she was awake she couldn't get comfortable, and so she trudged into the tiny kitchenette, tearing her cabinets apart to find some coffee. Nothing, not even that freeze dried instant stuff. Now, she really wanted to go back to bed. 

Instead she gathered herself and sent Liara a message.

_S:Thank you for the painkillers. Coffee?_

Liara responded:

_L:Glad you survived, Shepard. I am surprised you are willing to leave your bed._

_S:There’s no coffee in this room. I’m desperate._

_L: How about I just pick us up some breakfast and bring it to you?_

_S: That sounds amazing. What about Tali?_

_L:She has her do not disturb message on, I figured we better not bother her._

_S:Okay see you soon._

Shepard pulled her clothes off and threw them in her dirty pile. She needed to do laundry desperately, but this was not the time to worry about that. She started the shower, trying to wash off the sweat and grime from the previous day. As she shampooed her hair and scrubbed herself, memories from the last night started coming back. Tali confronting her, trying to play spin the bottle with the rest of the group, which was only prevented by Liara’s intervention, way too many shots of tequila. She felt like such an idiot for getting drunk. This was not behavior becoming of the first human Spectre, the savior of the citadel, and whatever other bullshit title they’d given her.

She finished her shower, toweled off and was trying to figure out what to wear when Liara showed up. She called to her through the door, asking her to let herself in, and Shepard threw on her last pair of clean underwear, with a gray alliance tank and her favorite ratty jeans. 

Liara had thought of everything. She had a huge cup of coffee, and a take out box of eggs, bacon and hash browns. She even packaged up little containers of salsa, coffee creamer and maple syrup. They sat at the tiny kitchenette counter while Shepard gulped her coffee and mainlined bacon. Liara sipping on herbal tea and watched Shepard with a mixture of pity and amusement.

“How do you feel?” she asked, when Shepard slowed down enough to speak.

“About as bad as when I woke up the second day after N1 training.”

“The first day you’re just a little sore, then the next day when you wake up after two days of training, you pretty much want to take the cyanide pills they give you,” she dumped salsa on her eggs.

“I feel like such a stupid bitch,” she moaned, clutching at her head.

“No one thinks that,” Liara said, rubbing her friend’s back.

Shepard scoffed, “Garrus.”

“When you woke up after Cerberus rebuilt you, you were shoved straight into a mission, you never had time to worry about the circumstances or really deal with the aftermath. I know you Shepard, you work best when you have a mission to focus on. When you don’t you have to deal with your feelings.”

“Spare me the psychology Liara.” Shepard finished eating and shoved the containers away.

“I”m just trying to help, I’m on your side, remember?” 

“I know.” Shepard felt bad. “Did I ever tell anyone I kept a journal while I was locked up.”

“No, most of us had no idea what happened to you during that time. You never talked about it.”

“It’s not much, but I wrote a couple things in it. Letters to people, a bucket list, some of my feelings.”

Shepard toyed with her empty coffee cup. “There were some entries that kind of threw me, made me wonder if I made the wrong decisions.”

“Such as?”

“Garrus wanted me to ask him to stay, he didn’t want to go, but I couldn’t. I felt like if I told him to leave it would be easier for him. But now I have this journal entry, and I suddenly realize maybe I should have let him stay.”

“Shepard, you knew that you two were together, that shouldn't have surprised you.”

“Not like that. Not in my own words. I didn’t realize it was that serious.”

“I was there, it was the three of us in the last battle.” Liara closed her eyes, fighting back a tear. 

“You pushed him into my arms, you saved him, you wouldn’t let us follow you to the beam.” Liara steadied herself, made sure that Shepard was looking her in the eye. “You told him you loved him and I thought...wow if I only could find someone who loved me that much.”

“See this is the problem, these grand gestures are supposed to change how I feel, but I don’t know him! I don’t know that Garrus! I don’t know what changed.”

Shepard exhaled slowly, her head throbbing not just with the hangover but with the frustration of it all. 

“I’m sorry, it’s hard for some of us, because we know what happened and we have these moments where we forget that you don’t.”

“I know what happened, but that doesn’t make it real for me.”

“That’s why I asked if you’d meld with me,” Shepard looked directly at Liara hopefully.

“So you remember that?” Liara gave a little smile. “I wondered when you’d ask. “

“I will if you want to, but I don’t know if it will do anything other than frustrate you,” Liara continued, standing to clean up the coffee cups and take out boxes. “Say I do see something, would that change anything? You may have it inside you, but you can’t access it, so it won’t help you.”

“I just want to know, if there’s even a chance…” Shepard trailed off, Liara’s advice not lost on her.

“Okay, we’ll do it in a few days, when you have recovered and after you have more time to think about it.”


	9. Chapter 9

Palaven successfully repaired their relay and things started to happen fast all around Shepard. The council tapped Kaidan for a Spectre mission and sent him off, the Alliance reopened N School and James Vega was in the first class. Most of the old crew of the Normandy was reassigned to new ships. Most of the biggest mass relays were operational, and everyone started to scatter. Shepard remained, dutifully trying to get back in shape. She had finally started gaining some muscle back in her arms and back.

A few days after the Alliance reopened their headquarters, they sent her a message warning her they might be moving her. Shepard continued to wait, and just focused on repairing herself as best she could. She finished a set of pushups and heard her omnitool beeping. She answered quickly, knowing it was an important caller by the tone.

Hackett’s voice came through on the intercom, “Shepard, we have a doctor in New York that wants to take a look at your leg. She thinks she can repair it and she also wants to look at some of your implants. With Lawson’s records, she should be able to restore most of them. Are you interested?”

Shepard looked at her empty hotel room, her messy floor, her kitchenette littered with food containers, and coffee cups. She couldn’t wait to get out of there.

“When do we leave?”

He chuckled, “I thought you might be excited. I’ll send you the travel details. Hackett out.”

==

Liara melded with Shepard, as she promised. Melding with Liara was always strange, sharing her headspace with another, it was as intimate as it could be without actually being intimate. Liara always seemed overwhelmed by the experience, and it always made Shepard feel a bit guilty that her mind was such a force. After the meld, Liara made them each a cup of tea and they sat on Shepard’s bed, while Liara tried to make sense of what she’d seen and regain her senses.

“The memories were there,” she said frowning. “Some of them I recognized, because I was there, but they are only echoes or traces of the original recollection. It really is like they wiped the slate clean. You may get a sense of deja vu now and then, or meet someone that seems familiar but you haven’t been properly introduced, but everything during that time is truly lost. I’m sorry Shepard.”

Shepard nodded, she had prepared herself for the worst, and this confirmed it. But in a way, it made her feel better, knowing that the memories were truly gone and that it wasn’t just something in her that was keeping her from accessing them.

==

As she packed for New York, Shepard got a message from Garrus, the first one in a few weeks since he’d made it off planet.  
  
 _Shepard,_  
 _How are you? Tali tells me things, but I’d like to hear it from you. Work is going really well. We have made a lot of progress and now that the relay is operational, we have a lot more resources for help. Victus has offered me a position in his office. I may take it, haven’t decided yet. My father and sister are back on Palaven, both are helping with the rebuilding efforts. I’m doing okay, I have friends in the task force. Also, I met a nice turian woman. She’s one of Victus’s aides, a cousin of the Fedorians. It’s nothing serious, we’re just seeing each other between assignments. But it’s nice to have a way to blow off steam._  
 _I hope you are well, I heard from Tali you are going to New York to have surgery. I’m glad, I know you want to be able to work again._  
 _Keep in touch._  
 _G_

Shepard didn’t know why, but the message put a lump in her throat she wasn’t expecting. Something about the phrase “blow off steam” made her feel sick to her stomach. That Garrus was basically admitting to having casual sex with this woman, and only a short time after he’d proclaimed his love for her. It just didn’t seem right. She had to stop and remind herself, that this was all her idea and that Garrus needed to move on and she needed to let him.

She wrote him back:

_Garrus,_   
_I am leaving for New York tomorrow. They are reconstructing my leg and they will be replacing some of my cybernetics. It’s long overdue._   
_I have been offered a chance to help with N school once I recover, taking N5s through a South American jungle with no compass, no guns and just one swiss army knife per recruit. It was the hardest mission by far and my all time favorite._   
_I’m sure you’ve heard all the gossip through Tali, so most of this will be old news. Kaidan grabbed the first new Spectre mission the council offered. Joker was assigned to the SS Tennessee._   
_Liara is coming with me to New York, to provide emotional support or possibly to use a stasis field to keep me from trying to escape my hospital bed._   
_Thanks for checking in. Keep up the good work. I hear all the time about how your task force is ahead of schedule._   
_-S_

She read it over, hoping it conveyed the right amount of breezy friendliness and casual “too busy to write” attitude. She sent it and went back to her packing without a second thought.

==

Shepard woke up in the hospital bed in New York, feeling like her mouth was full of sand. She was hooked up to several monitors, an IV, her leg was elevated in a sling and most of her body was wrapped in gauze. She felt woozy, dizzy and disorientated. Liara’s pretty blue face loomed above her, her voice soft and soothing.

“Go back to sleep,” she cooed.

Shepard closed her eyes and obeyed.

She woke up again, not knowing how much time had passed, but she knew the lighting in the room had changed. Liara was still there, sitting on a hospital chair working on a datapad, a nurse was changing the bandaging on her left leg. She didn’t feel any pain except when the nurse briefly lifted the leg a bit too high.

“Liara,” Shepard croaked. “Water.”

Liara responded, giving her a small drink of water through a straw. Shepard swallowed hard, hoping to clear the dryness in her throat.  She took another slow drink, and Liara helpfully set the cup down.

“How do you feel?” she asked, studying Shepard.

“Okay, considering,” she answered, trying to push herself up on the pillows to sit up, but Liara shook her head.

“You need to rest,” she gently chided.

“At least turn on the vid screen,” Shepard gestured at the screen above her head. “Bioticball playoffs are this week.”

Liara turned the on the screen for her, and Shepard found herself falling asleep again, even as she watched the action on screen.

The next time she woke up, she noticed she was slightly less contained. She had less machines hooked up to her and the cloud surrounding her seemed less heavy.  
Liara slept on a hospital chair. Shepard smiled at her friend, Liara had been so amazing since this whole thing had happened. She would have to find a way to make it up to her.

A hospital orderly brought in a hot breakfast, and Shepard eagerly unwrapped it. Scrambled eggs, potatoes, a small dish of fruit and a blueberry muffin and some juice. Shepard ate heartily, it had been days since she’d felt like eating.  She saved the muffin and orange juice for Liara.

Liara woke slowly, opening one eye, then the other. She stretched, loosening her long limbs. Shepard had always been a bit envious of the asari and their elegance and grace. She never felt like her arms and legs were in tandem with the rest of her body. She was always tripping, flailing and falling. It was a wonder she was so good at combat.

“Good morning,” she said, smiling over at Shepard.

“I saved you some breakfast,” Shepard offered her the muffin and juice, which Liara gratefully took.

“Do you mind if I step out for some coffee?” she asked, wiping her mouth with a napkin. Liara was someone able to eat a messy muffin with barely creating a crumb.

“Go right ahead,” Shepard said, finally feeling strong enough to sit up in bed. Liara walked over and helped her adjust the pillows for more support.

“I’ll be right back,” Liara said, slipping out the door.

Shepard’s doctor walked in as Liara left, “How are you feeling, Commander?”

“Better, more awake at least,” Shepard said honestly.

“We’ve decreased your painkillers, you should start feeling more alert, but you might feel more pain. They are going to have you see the physical therapist tomorrow.”

“When do I get out of this place?”

“Slow down, one thing at a time,” she made a note on her chart but didn’t hide her smile.

The doctor left, giving Shepard some time alone. She laid in the bed, already bored, already counting the minutes until she could leave. Liara came back with a large cup of coffee and another datapad.

“Your doctor is very confident that she has repaired your leg to almost full mobility,” Liara told her. “She also thinks the cybernetics in your jaw and shoulder will be operational as well. She did a very extensive job on your surgery.”

“Plus, she’s cute, maybe you should ask to dissect her,” Shepard said, pushing her tray away.

Liara blushed bright blue, “Of all the things you do remember…”

“Oh Liara, I had to. Let the cripple have her fun. Honestly though, I can tell how much you’ve changed since then.” She didn’t want to make the asari feel too bad, especially when she had been so sweet.

Shepard looked around the room, a large flower arrangement was stationed in the corner, and a stuffed varren was next to it.

“The varren is from Joker,” Liara said, noticing Shepard looking at them. “The flowers are from Garrus and Tali.”

Shepard smiled, glad her friends were thinking of her. Liara picked up a datapad and swiped at it a few times.

“I brought you a present, for when you felt better,” she said, holding out the datapad. “It’s the dossiers from the suicide mission, there’s one for each person you recruited and you also wrote about special missions you did for them. There’s Mordin, Thane, Samara, Miranda, Jacob, Jack, Tali, Grunt and even one for the geth Legion. Oh and Garrus.”

“Yay reading,” Shepard said sarcastically. “I’m trying to decrease my boredom.”

“You said that reading things in your own words was better for you,” Liara offered. “Perhaps I can find some vids…”

“I’m kidding, Liara, thank you,” she pulled up the first dossier file she found. “Archangel?”

“Keep reading,” Liara said with a knowing smile. She sat down to drink her coffee and sent a few quick messages on her omnitool.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay in getting this out. I have the last few chapters done and should be able to wrap this sucker up!

~6 Months Later~

On the morning of the ceremony, Garrus woke up early and did his morning exercises, stretching, weights and his regular sprints. With his new position, he got little time in the field and so he had to make do with exercise equipment and shooting ranges instead of his normal physical exertion. His reaction time and reflexes had already started to slow, the fact annoying, but he pushed the thought away. 

Today was to be a happy occasion for his people and his home. They were opening the newly rebuilt Cirpritine Turian War Memorial. All of the important figures in the hierarchy were going to be there. As the Primarch's chief advisor, he had been very involved in the rebuilding effort. This dedication needed to go perfectly. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't a bit nervous. 

Out of habit, he checked his personal messages, nothing new, nothing un-filed and replied to. Most importantly, nothing from Shepard. He dressed slowly, admiring his new dress uniform. One of Victus’s aides had sent him the freshly pressed uniform to wear, with new medals and his new title. Garrus was not a vain turian, but he did like wearing dress clothing, especially this uniform that was fancier than the previous one, with more gold stitching and more flourish than the previous primarch’s design. He thought it made him look refined, more official. But it did remind him that his clan markings were in desperate need of a touch up. There would be time for that later.

He made his way to ceremony room, the dedication wasn’t even for another half an hour and the room was already uncomfortably full. He couldn’t see Victus anywhere, but plenty of his aides and assistants milled around. He asked one where he could find the Primarch, the young aide looked annoyed at the question until he recognized who asked it, “Yes, sir, I believe he is backstage preparing his dedication speech.”

Garrus made his way to the curtain to speak to Victus, he didn’t find him anywhere until he saw a small group of turians in military dress huddled in a far corner. They pointed him to a dressing room, where he saw Victus speaking to someone. 

He could see the back of who Victus was talking to, and it made him inhale sharply with a flurry of both excitement and nerves all at once. He saw the shape of the body, the long legs, trim waist and the head full of fiery red hair, tied up in a neat bun. But he knew that back all too well, he’d spent an entire war watching it.  
She turned to look at him before he could address her, and he was pleased to see her face register happy familiarity. 

“I’m sorry Vakarian,” Victus said as Shepard grinned beside him. “Our special guest was a last minute addition.”

“Hi,” Shepard said, almost shyly. He thought she looked great, dressed in the Alliance version of a dress uniform. She moved with more grace and strength than she had the last time he’d seen her, and so he trusted her recovery had been almost complete.

“Adrien invited me like 2 months ago, and I totally forgot about it,” she said, sheepishly. “I only remembered when you mentioned it in the last message, so I had to rush to get transport and the time off…”

“It’s nice to see you,” he said, wanting to offer her his hand, but instead he simply gave her a nod.

“The Commander has agreed to be here, on condition that I not single her out at any time during the ceremony, “ Victus said, looking from Garrus to Shepard. “I thought maybe you could convince her to at least let me mention her participation in my rescue on Menae.”

Shepard shook her head. “I keep telling him I want to be neither seen nor heard.”

“No offense, Shepard, but you’re one of the few non turians in this place and I’m pretty sure you are the only human. You will be seen, whether you want to or not,” Garrus replied, still amused by her embarrassment at recognition.

“Well I have my address to look over, would you mind taking our guest to the reserved seating section,” Victus said, straightening his uniform before crossing to the podium behind the curtain. 

Garrus gestured and Shepard followed, able to read his directions even outside of battle. He led her to a small group of seats near the front, seating her on the end of a row, next to his own assigned seat and behind a few generals. 

She sat down, her hands clasped in her lap, her body language slightly uncomfortable, but Garrus couldn’t tell why.

“Didn’t expect to see you here,” he said, looking at the program the aides were handing out. The dedication was supposed to be short, with drinks and refreshments to follow. 

“It was a bit spur of the moment,” she admitted, looking at the same program but setting it down since she couldn’t read turian.

“How’s N school?”

“It’s pretty great. Much better to be giving the orders this time around. But I do miss having my own ship,” she added. “I miss the way every day was a new experience, a new mission.”

“I get what you mean, it’s strange to have spent so long in one place, I’d gotten used to flitting around from planet to planet, never knowing where we were going to end up next.”

“Where’s your girlfriend?” she asked carefully,

“Girlfriend?” Garrus looked at her confused. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“You said you were seeing someone,” Shepard said, eyes fixed directly in front of her.

“Oh, that was ages ago, she moved on, hasn’t been much for me since,” Garrus said dismissively. He found it interesting that she remembered something he’d barely even told her about in a message from months ago.

Shepard opened her mouth to respond, but the room darkened and the stage lights came up. The room quieted, as the curtain opened and Victus came out and took the podium. He made a very moving and thoughtful speech and was very careful not to make any of it too personal. Garrus could tell he was thinking of Tarquin, and his subvocals faltered just a little when he spoke of family being the most important resource they had left. Just as he had thought, even though Shepard was never mentioned by name, plenty of eyes were on her, just for being there at all.

After the ceremony, Victus invited everyone to celebrate, and tables were filled with food and drink. Good wine and even a small levo table for their non-turian allies. The crowd swarmed the tables, and Garrus held back, his attention still fixed on Shepard.

They stood in a corner, chatting quietly, when Garrus felt someone come up behind him. He turned to look into the disapproving face of his sister Solana. He knew she would have attended, most of Cipritine was invited. He wondered where his father was, if he would have to deal with him as well. 

“Hello Garrus,” she said, looking at him but mostly sizing up Shepard.

“You must be the Commander,” she said, in a voice that was trying to sound polite but still had a twinge of disdain to it. If Shepard had been a turian, it would have probably offended her. 

Instead she turned to Solana and smiled brightly. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Don’t believe anything my brother tells you,” Solana replied, still looking at Garrus before speaking to Shepard.

“She’s still upset about something that happened when we were children,” Garrus told Shepard, answering Solana’s critical stare with one of his own.

Shepard laughed politely, and one of the Victus’s aides came up to Shepard, waiting patiently for the group to acknowledge him.

“The Primarch would like to introduce the Commander to some of his most dedicated Generals,” the young turian said, looking like he was afraid Shepard might admonish him or scold him for interrupting. Shepard told them both to excuse her, and let herself be steered away.

Solana shook her head and walked past Garrus, taking a glass of wine from a table and held it tight in her hand, but did not drink right away. 

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” she asked him.

“No,” he said simply. “I have important matters to attend to.”

With that, he turned on his heel and sought out two other honored guests, Primarch Fedorian’s widow and General Corinthus, who were sitting at a table across the room.  
After a brief conversation, he saw Shepard talking to Victus and he excused himself. She had a frightened look on her face, and he thought she might need help. He was right.

==  
They were laughing at one of Shepard's stories about a young N5 training varren to fetch, when Solana came up to the group and immediately locked her eyes on Garrus. He knew what that look meant. He inwardly sighed. 

"May I borrow my brother for a moment, General?" Solana said, dripping charm and sweetness as she took Garrus by the arm. He bristled at her touch but maintained his composure. 

He led Solana into an empty side room near the lavatories. He closed the door but didn't latch it and stood with his back to the wall. "Talk fast."

“Just what are you doing Garrus?” Solana tried to keep her voice down, but she grew louder as she finished the question.

“I think it’s pretty obvious Sol.”

“You are so lucky Dad isn’t here.”

“I’m sure you’ll tell him all about it,” Garrus crossed the room and stood in front of the door.

“After everything that’s happened? I see the way you look at her. And if that’s not enough everyone hear knows what happened and thinks you are making a fool out of yourself for even trying.”

“I am not making a fool of myself!” Garrus tried not to, but she always had a way of making him defensive.

“I am just trying to stop you from ruining your life again!”

“I am not ruining my life. If you haven’t noticed, my life is pretty good at the moment.”

“Garrus, you need to just stay away from that woman. I thought when you came back here, you were done with her.”

“She’s my friend, we fought in a war together, she’s saved me more times than-”

“Yes, but she’s also caused you to abandon your job, your planet, your family!”

“I don’t need to hear this again, I am an adult and I made my own decisions,” he crossed the room to say this to Solana up close and personal. “You know that I had to do those things, I helped take down Saren, that never would have happened if I’d just stayed with C-Sec.”

“She’s not good for you. Why can’t you see that? If Mom was here…”

“Don’t you dare-”

A sound came from behind them, both Garrus and Solana shut up immediately and whipped their heads at the door, which was already ajar, and they could hear footsteps running in the other direction. It didn’t matter, he’d seen her face for the half a second she had stood in the doorway. He ran out after her.

Shepard had a running start and she quickly got lost in the crowd. Garrus sighed and decided to order a drink. As he turned around, he bumped right into a turian female who was crossing the other direction. He apologized profusely, but then she kept talking to him.

“You’re Advisor Vakarian aren’t you?” she said, looking at him with awe.

“Yes,” Garrus answered dutifully.

“The Primarch gave a very moving speech tonight, don’t you think?” she continued, oblivious to the way Garrus was looking over her shoulder, scanning for Shepard.

“Yes, very.”

“I should introduce myself, Lia Corinthus. I’m a niece of the General, he says you fought together.” 

“Nice to meet you,” Garrus said politely, finally finding Shepard standing by the levo table, fumbling with a glass of wine.

She turned to see what he was looking at, “Is that the Commander Shepard?”

Garrus nodded, watching Shepard drink the wine and grab a cookie off the table. She was scanning the crowd, as if she were looking for someone. Him maybe? He knew in a room full of turians he might be hard to pick out of a crowd.

Lia studied the human, “She’s shorter than I thought she’d be.”

“She’ll surprise you,” Garrus agreed. 

“So,” Lia moved her head strategically into the space he was watching Shepard. “I hear you are pretty surprising yourself.”

Garrus stared at her. Her subvocals had taken on a flirty, seductive tone almost instantly. She had moved closer to him, and while she wasn’t touching him, she was definitely in his personal space. He couldn’t handle something like that right now. He took a step back.

“I’m sorry, I need to go speak to the Primarch, official business you know.” Garrus brushed past her and found the levo table but Shepard was gone.

Victus was busy in a group of three war veterans and the turian councilor. Garrus turned his head and saw Solana watching him. He groaned and instead decided he’d better be a professional and so he engaged in polite conversation with the group, eagerly waiting for this stupid thing to be over so he could try to contact Shepard.


	11. Chapter 11

When Garrus checked his messages after the ceremony was over and most of the guests were gone, he had two. One from Shepard and one from Solana. He sighed, reading the message from Solana, asking him to give her a chance to make amends and talk it out like adults.

Shepard’s message was pretty simple, just asking him to come see her at her hotel room. He replied to that one, Sol could wait. 

The hotel Shepard was staying in was quite extravagant. Victus had done well there, putting her in a human-style suite on the twenty-first floor. His first thought upon seeing the lobby, was wondering how accounting was going to handle the bill when it came in on the Primarch’s personal expense report.

He knocked twice and the door swished open. Shepard was standing there, looking a bit disheveled. She had already started taking off her uniform, the jacket was unbuttoned and hanging down around her collarbone, her feet were bare, and her hair had been freed, flowing around her shoulders in loose curls. He noticed it was the longest he’d ever seen it, it reached past her shoulders, just about to the middle of her back.

They stared at each other for a moment until Shepard sighed and turned away from him. She sat at the edge of her bed and ran her fingers through her hair.

“Why’d you come here?” Garrus asked, taking a seat in the chair closest to the bed.

“What?” she sounded slightly bothered by the question.

“Come on Shepard, you hardly know Victus, and you don’t remember Menae or anything that happened with him. Palaven is just one of hundreds of planets that you saved.”

“Liara suggested it. She said it was a good way to maintain a working relationship with the Primarch, a good way to show support for the turians fighting alongside us on Earth,” Shepard said, in that mechanical way she had when she was parroting someone else’s reasons.

She looked up and met his eye. “Plus I just wanted to see how my old friend was doing. How’s the new job?”

“It’s a lot more paperwork than I expected. It makes my C-sec days seem rather exciting. Sometimes I wish for a rogue spectre or a suicide mission to make things more fun.”

“Your sister was right, I am bad for you,” Shepard said abruptly. Garrus groaned to himself.

“Solana doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

“You left C-sec, you left your people, you left your family, all because I asked you to.”

“First of all, all of those things were my decision, and you don’t know how hard they were for me to do. My issues with my family were there long before I met you. You just gave me an excuse to do what I really wanted.”

Shepard was still upset, hiding her face in her hands. “But your Mom, I didn’t know…”

“I got some time with her, and in a way that was because of you. When you were under arrest, I got to see her one last time before she passed.”

“Then why does Solana hate me?”

“She doesn’t hate you. She just saw what I was like when I came back here after...everything...and I wasn’t entirely truthful about what happened between us. Well, I told my version of the story, and I was hurt Shepard, so you didn’t come off the best.”

Shepard frowned but kept listening. Garrus continued talking, trying to explain as best he could.

“Then when she saw us tonight, she was trying to protect me and so she did her best to talk sense into me, but she only succeeded in pissing me off.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you Garrus, everything was so confusing and I thought if I could just make you go away I’d be able to figure out what I really felt. Instead I just pissed even more people off.” She looked up at him, and he swore he could see a tear in her eye, but she blinked it away and composed herself. Garrus got out of the chair and sat next to her on the bed, the space between them representing the unspoken wall she still had up. 

“It’s okay, I understand why you did what you did. It was just so hard knowing what we had, and seeing you look at me that way, and knowing how good it could be. I couldn’t let you go without a fight.”

“I know why you did what you did,” Shepard’s head was bent, but she was looking up at him, through a curtain of hair. “If what we had was that good, I would have fought for it too.”

“So, are we okay?” Garrus asked. He couldn't look at her right now, if he did he felt like he’d do something stupid like try to kiss her or let his heart fall right out of his mouth.

“Yes, we’re okay. I’m not mad about what happened anymore.” Shepard was looking at him, even though he was only looking at the floor. She studied him, trying to get a sense of where he was at.

“Good,” he finally said. He wanted to say so much more, but he didn’t want to scare her away or freak her out. 

“You’re one of my best friends,” she said, and she weaved her hand into his and gave it a little squeeze. “No matter what happens.”

Garrus looked down at her hand in his glove. He felt hope for the first time in almost a year that maybe, just maybe Shepard would give him a chance. 

“How long are you staying here?” he finally asked, as Shepard released her hand and settled it back into her lap. 

“Just until tomorrow, I’m headed back out. Hackett wants me to take a team out to settle a conflict in the terminus.”

“You really love it, don’t you?” Garrus said, happy to see the way Shepard’s face lit up when she talked about this. He knew that she was always happiest when she had a job to do, a purpose. In just the short time they had spent together, he had realized that she had changed so much. She was back to her old self, the driven, self assured Commander and not the woman full of uncertainty and anger. 

“Yeah, you want to come?” Shepard let out a little laugh. Garrus actually wished he could say yes.

“If only,” he said, rising to his feet. “I’d better go, I’ve got to go make nice with Solana.”

“Sure,” Shepard nodded. “Thanks for the talk. I’ll see you at the Citadel party next month right?”

“Planning on it. Hackett wants me to make a speech about fighting the odds, overcoming adversity. Surprised he didn’t ask you.”

“He did,” Shepard admitted. “But my response was a firm no.”

“All this time, I thought I might have been his first choice.” Garrus tried to sound wistful.

“Sorry, sounds like you’re his sloppy seconds.” Shepard laughed and followed him to the door.

Garrus frowned at the term, not sure what it meant. Her laughter still rang in his ears as he waved and slid out the door.


	12. Chapter 12

Shepard arrived at the Citadel by skycar and immediately felt like she was on the red carpet at some fancy movie premiere. There was an actual red carpet that led inside the new presidium. She was wearing a green dress that Liara had picked out and high heels that she immediately regretted. She chose to wear her hair down, letting it spill over her shoulders in loose waves. She kind of regretted that too, but Liara assured her it looked good. Liara was dressed in a long purple dress, and she was much more comfortable in her black heels as they made their way inside. 

The dinner was going to be held at the new banquet hall, which they were all anxious to see. The Citadel had always been clean and sharp, but now it seemed even shinier and sleeker. The banquet hall was carpeted in a lush blue carpet, with gold accents. Several large tables filled the room, little place cards indicating where guests should sit.

Shepard and Liara scanned the room, and saw Dr. Chakwas and Engineer Adams talking quietly. Dr. Chakwas looked up from the conversation and motioned them over.

“Shepard!” Dr. Chakwas kissed her smoothly on the cheek. “How are you? You look lovely.”

“I’m good Doc.” Shepard blushed a little. “Hello Adams.”

He smiled at her and motioned to a large table, “We noticed that the crew of the Normandy has their own tables over here, we were just glad they remembered us at all.”

She whipped her head around to hear a voice behind her, calling her name frantically. A very happy quarian jumped into her arms.

“Nice to see you too, Tali,” she said, when she was finally released.

“I’d like you to meet again for the first time, my fiance Kal’Reeger,” Tali said, introducing the man standing behind her.

“Hello Commander,” he said, extending his hand. Shepard took it and shook firmly. She liked his deep voice and the way he regarded Tali.

“Hey, uh, Shepard,” a brunette woman dressed in a low cut white dress came up next to them. Shepard smiled, remembering what she learned about Jack from the dossiers and what a contrast she made now. She could see Kaidan on her tail and she smiled as she saw them stand next to each other, Kaidan’s hand loosely reaching for Jack’s. 

“Hi Jack. How are you?” 

“Good. And you said her brain was fried.” Jack grinned and jabbed Tali good naturedly. She reached around them to give Kaidan a hug. She had to admit they made a very good looking couple. Something about Kaidan’s calm demeanor softened Jack’s rough edges.

“Glad to see the council spared no expense on a fucking banquet hall to celebrate doing nothing during the war,” Jack commented, acknowledging the lavishly decorated space.

“Oh come on Jack, they didn’t do nothing, they dismissed plenty of claims,” Garrus’s voice carried over as he walked up beside them. “ Plus, someone had to keep up appearances.”

“You look nice,” Joker said arriving on her other side. “First time I’ve seen you in a dress without the N7 logo on it.”

“Shepard!!” Wrex came barreling over to her. He shook her hand respectfully but then gathered her up in a hug. Behind him was the tank grown krogan she remembered from the reports, Grunt.

“Hey guys,” a young black man came up behind her. Shepard quickly racked her brain trying to remember his name. 

“Hello,” he said cautiously. “I don’t know if you’ll remember me.”

“I’ve read reports of missions we did together, and I’ve seen pictures,” she told him. “Mr. Taylor.”

He smiled in relief, and introduced his wife and their baby son. The group was starting to get big. Samantha, and the two engineers Daniels and Donnelly arrived next, and then another man she knew in pictures but not in person, Steve Cortez.

“Is this everyone that served under Shepard?” Liara asked, looking around the large group.

“I think so,” Dr. Chakwas said, making her own scan of the crowd. 

Everyone that’s left, Shepard amended to herself. Still, it was quite awe inspiring to see this rag tag group of people, from different planets and places all coming together. Because of the Normandy.

“Except for Vega, he’s at N School,” Steve quickly added.

“What about Miranda?” Jacob asked. A few people shrugged.

“She’s been hard to reach,” Dr. Chakwas offered. “She spoke to me a few times about Shepard’s recovery, and then vanished.”

“Shame,” Jack muttered. “Would have liked to see the bitch.”

“Samara sent her regards,” Liara spoke up. “She’s still working on the new monastery.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Shepard saw Tali tinkering with the place cards on the tables. She gave Tali a look and nudged the quarian as everyone was saying their hellos and introducing each other.

“I’m just adjusting the seating, no harm done. I think you’ll like the results,” Tali said, returning to Kal’s side.

Shepard shrugged and forgot about it once she was pulled into a conversation with Garrus and Wrex.

Wrex was showing her pictures of his kids, a little roly poly little bundle of joy named Mordin. They were all laughing when he said that, and she remembered the salarian from her old team and how he had cured the genophage from the mission reports. Liara had told her about his important role in the war and just from the funny stories and the way everyone smiled and laughed when they talked about him, she knew she would have liked him.

After they had time to talk and catch up, the banquet started and her crew began finding their seats. The squad of the Normandy took up a large chunk of the room, spread out among several small round tables. Shepard found herself at a table with Garrus, Tali, Kal, Chakwas and Adams. She wondered if that had been Tali’s doing, that she was seated right next to Garrus. She didn’t have time to wonder, because the food was quickly served, and so was the champagne.

She had promised Liara she wouldn’t go crazy, but she didn’t see anything wrong with a small glass. They were celebrating after all. She noticed Garrus was wearing the same dress uniform he’d worn at the Primarch’s ceremony. She thought it looked nice on him, fancier than his normal clothes, not as bulky as his armor. All the crew was dressed in their best, looking less like a ragtag bunch of soldiers and more like a classy group that belonged in a place like the Citadel. Shepard smiled to herself. She may not be able to remember every fight, every mission, but she remembered her friends and she knew why they were all there.

After dinner, Garrus wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Wish me luck,” he said quietly to her. “Hackett’s up first and then it’s my turn.”

She nodded and watched as Hackett gave a brief but moving speech about the importance of unity and togetherness and not letting old rivalries tear apart new alliances.  
Garrus went up to the podium, looking confident and sure of himself. Shepard couldn’t stop looking at him. He really had changed so much, she realized. Years ago, he had been so immature, so eager and still so rough around the edges. She understood why people trusted him now, and why the Primarch wanted him as an advisor. There was only the slightest tremble in his hands as he gripped the wood, but it was gone before he spoke.

“I always expected things to go wrong,” he said. “But I learned from my time on the Normandy how well humans and my kind can work together. I learned that things can go so very right.”

Shepard looked down at her water glass, but she could feel his eyes searching for hers in the crowd. She thought better of herself and looked up, letting him see her smile.


	13. Chapter 13

The speeches were soon over, and the guests were invited to mingle, drink champagne and visit the dessert table. Shepard indulged in a very rich piece of chocolate cake and Garrus enjoyed a similar dextro dessert. He thought maybe he was imagining it, but she was smiling at him more than she had in ages. She seemed happy.

“Feel like getting out of here for a while?” Shepard’s eyes flashed at him in a way he recognized as meaning that she had a very bad idea.

“Shepard?! What will people say? If the guest of honor isn’t here-” Garrus looked around him, where people were talking, drinking and some were even dancing. No one would bat an eye if Shepard disappeared for a few minutes.

“I think the party will continue without me.” Shepard slid off her chair and made a beeline for the exit. 

Garrus followed, greatly amused by the whole situation and how Shepard teetered on her high heels. She snuck them out of the banquet hall and to the elevator. Outside the Citadel was almost deserted, almost everyone was at the celebration. 

Garrus followed her as she took them to the top floor of the Presidium, his heart beat faster as she led him into a secret maintenance office and then he watched as she took off her high heels and climbed up a ladder leading up and out of the room. 

“You coming?” She shouted down at him, and Garrus couldn’t follow fast enough.

He pulled himself up and out and felt the pure giddiness from being there again, where she had brought them this time. Sure, the design was different, the circumstances of their arrival and even the transportation method, but the intent was the same. He was at the top of the Presidium with Shepard. If only he’d thought to grab a couple bottles.

“Liara made the mistake of showing me the blueprints of this place, I remembered the maintenance access routes,” Shepard said, the artificial wind blowing her hair gently.  
“I’ve been dying to come up here.”

Garrus had to stop himself for a second, before his subvocals gave him away, but he could hardly contain his exhilaration. Something within her had sought this out and she had specifically asked him to come with her. He felt a rush of excitement as he looked around them, seeing the familiar yet updated architecture. He felt a nervous flip in his stomach, from the thrill of doing something slightly dangerous and forbidden. But what he felt most of all, was the happiness of being with Shepard to recreate one of his most treasured moments of their relationship. 

She spoke, looking down at the crystal clear water. “It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?”

Garrus nodded, feeling like if he were to say something, he would say everything, and it would be too much, overwhelm her and scare her away. 

“I may have slipped Bailey a bottle of whiskey and told him to make sure his patrol is at the other end of the Presidium,” she said with a mischievous giggle.

“This would be a good place for a shooting contest,” he said, trying not to let his voice betray him. “How bout it- me, you, a rifle?”

“That’s so you, everything has to be about guns,” Shepard laughed, her strappy shoes dangling from her thumb. “Anyway, I’d slaughter you.”

“You would.” Garrus couldn’t stop himself, the sheer excitement and hope he was feeling made him bold and brave. “Shepard, I need to say something, and I just need you to listen and not say anything until I’m done.”

She nodded, watching him with an amused half smile crossing her face.

“I’ve been missing you for the last few months. I miss going on assignments, and I miss you stealing my kills and jumping out of the shuttle before it comes to a complete stop and having to pull you into cover and I miss the way you roll your eyes at me when I make a speech...Yeah, like that.”  
Shepard stopped once he called her on it, with a little chuckle and he continued.

“Will you just try to let me, to use the human phrase, _woo_ you? Let’s just see where it takes us. But I think I can show you why you love me so damn much.”

“Cocky, Vakarian,” Shepard scoffed. “You sure about that?”

“I’m serious Shepard,” he said. “Think it over, don’t tell me anything right away.”

He wanted his second chance more than anything, and it was so close he could practically taste it.

==

They snuck down the ladder, and made their way to the elevator without anyone noticing.  Shepard was still giddy with excitement and adrenaline and Garrus just plain happy for so many reasons. The chemistry, the crackle in the air was there between them, he noticed. He had forgotten about it. The way she used to make him feel. Apprehensive, but at the same time always enticed and anxious to see what she would do next.

They got to the short hallway that led back into the banquet room and Shepard wrinkled her nose and the idea of having to go back into the crowd of politicians and dignitaries. Instead she stopped short, leaning up against the wall. Garrus followed suit, propping himself against the adjacent wall, so that he could talk to and look at her at the same time. 

“So, Tali’s wedding?” Shepard sighed, already picturing it. “Are you going?”

“Of course,” Garrus sighed as well. “She hasn’t stopped pinging me about it since the invite came out.”

“It’ll be fun, if anything else, to meet her friends and to give Kal a hard time,” Shepard smiled wistfully, bending to slide her shoes back on.

“Yeah, do you think he still calls her ma’am?” Garrus asked. 

She shrugged, then slowly lost her smile to a slight apprehension. She pulled her hair behind her ears, “So the invite says Shepard plus one.”

“Guess you are going to have to find a date, have you seen Conrad Verner lately?” 

“Oh god, no,” Shepard tried to not to snicker but couldn’t hold it in. “So um, do you have a date planned?”

“Oh yeah, I already responded to her invite with my plus one,” Garrus said trying his best to sound serious. Shepard bought it, he saw her face fall then quickly try to recover by putting on her best commander face.

“Oh well, then never mind, If you already asked someone.” Shepard tried not to seem too disappointed.

“If you have your heart set on it, I guess I’ll just have to let Solana down easy,” Garrus finished, watching the realization set in.

She swatted at him, laughing with relief, “You’re such an ass.” 

“We should get back to the party,” Shepard said, gesturing toward the banquet hall, standing up straight but not yet moving.

“Yeah, I guess we should, they’ll notice we’re gone eventually,” Garrus pushed off from where he was braced against the wall. “Shall we?”  
He held his hand out to her and he saw Shepard’s face light up and her smile grow.

She slid her hand into his and gently squeezed. She only considered a moment before she spoke his name, “Garrus?”

He turned to look at her, the way she paused before speaking slightly hesitant but still the sound of her voice was bold enough to stop him in his tracks. He’d heard her use that tone before, and it was always to get his attention. 

“I want to try.”

Garrus took her other hand in his and pulled her close. He leaned over and pressed his forehead to hers and just breathed her in for a moment, eyes tightly squeezed shut.  
He wanted to hold on to this, make sure the memory would be locked in tight for them both. He pulled away, just enough to meet her eyes, she stared back, her eyes trained on his. When he finally spoke, it was only a whisper.

“Okay.”


End file.
